Hernando Public Library
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
6:30 PM
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Grieving Through the Holidays
As I write this it is not even Thanksgiving, yet stores are playing Christmas music, people are hanging lights on their house and trees are being decorated. Very soon, the signs of the holidays will be everywhere we look. Whether we are ready to make merry or have no desire this year, our friends and families will be. Cards will be sent and received. Lists will be made and presents will be bought. For grieving parents the question lingers, how do we get through what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year when we do not feel like celebrating.
That first year after we lost Samuel, we didn’t feel like anything. We did not put up a tree. We sent no cards and did not have a big traditional dinner. It had only been a few months and we just weren’t ready. Yes, we got a lot of flack from family about it. But they were in another state and we didn’t have to see them (we went for Thanksgiving though, but that’s another story.) Thankfully I cannot remember if we received any comments about our lack of holiday spirit from our friends. Our oldest child was only two and since we didn’t do Santa, so it was easy for us not to do Christmas that year. I remember putting out an ornament for Sammie and lighting his candle. We did what we wanted to, spent time with each other and did not let anyone tell us what we “had” to do.
1. Decide what you will do. If you don’t feel like socializing at your company party or pretending to be merry at a community gathering, then just don’t go. Decide what is important enough that you really do want to do it and choose to do just those things (if any!)
2. Inform family and friends as soon as possible if you aren’t doing things you normally do every year (like hosting a New Year’s Eve Party or attending a Cookie Exchange.)
3. Keep it simple. We hear this every year and in several different ways, but really, this year, keep it simple. It won’t matter if every thing is just so if you don’t feel like doing it anyway. The first Christmas, birthday, and anniversaries without your baby are the hardest. Prepare for that and keep them simple.
4. Do something to remember your baby. We like to buy or make an ornament every year for Samuel. We sign our holiday cards with a small butterfly to represent him. We also light a candle during our family gathering to signify him. You can donate to a shelter, Ronald McDonald House, needy family, school or hospital. Adopt a child from Compassion International or other organization.
5. Find a friend or friends that can accept your hurt and love you through the pain. Maybe get together with some other bereaved moms and have lunch or attend a memorial service, Angel of Hope in your community or do a project for other bereaved moms (such as knitting blankets, making gowns or putting together care packages.)
That first year after we lost Samuel, we didn’t feel like anything. We did not put up a tree. We sent no cards and did not have a big traditional dinner. It had only been a few months and we just weren’t ready. Yes, we got a lot of flack from family about it. But they were in another state and we didn’t have to see them (we went for Thanksgiving though, but that’s another story.) Thankfully I cannot remember if we received any comments about our lack of holiday spirit from our friends. Our oldest child was only two and since we didn’t do Santa, so it was easy for us not to do Christmas that year. I remember putting out an ornament for Sammie and lighting his candle. We did what we wanted to, spent time with each other and did not let anyone tell us what we “had” to do.
1. Decide what you will do. If you don’t feel like socializing at your company party or pretending to be merry at a community gathering, then just don’t go. Decide what is important enough that you really do want to do it and choose to do just those things (if any!)
2. Inform family and friends as soon as possible if you aren’t doing things you normally do every year (like hosting a New Year’s Eve Party or attending a Cookie Exchange.)
3. Keep it simple. We hear this every year and in several different ways, but really, this year, keep it simple. It won’t matter if every thing is just so if you don’t feel like doing it anyway. The first Christmas, birthday, and anniversaries without your baby are the hardest. Prepare for that and keep them simple.
4. Do something to remember your baby. We like to buy or make an ornament every year for Samuel. We sign our holiday cards with a small butterfly to represent him. We also light a candle during our family gathering to signify him. You can donate to a shelter, Ronald McDonald House, needy family, school or hospital. Adopt a child from Compassion International or other organization.
5. Find a friend or friends that can accept your hurt and love you through the pain. Maybe get together with some other bereaved moms and have lunch or attend a memorial service, Angel of Hope in your community or do a project for other bereaved moms (such as knitting blankets, making gowns or putting together care packages.)
Monday, November 17, 2008
'Something Happened' by Cathy Blanford
I have looked for many years for a book to share with children about the death of their sibling during pregnancy. Few such books exist. When they do exist, they dance around the subject, calling the baby an angel and such. I cannot recommend those books because, though easier for a child to understand, I do not believe what they are saying.
I have finally found a book I can recommend.
'Something Happened' by Cathy Blanford addresses the death of a baby during pregnancy. It is a beautifully written, plain and easy to understand. I read it standing at my dining room table, mail tossed aside, with tears streaming down my cheeks. Blanford gives suggestions on what to say throughout the book as children may ask additional questions about the loss of their sibling. She also addresses the unasked questions kids may have about death.
This book is a must-have for parents who have additional children suffering with them at the loss of their sibling. It is available on Amazon by clicking the link below.
I have finally found a book I can recommend.
'Something Happened' by Cathy Blanford addresses the death of a baby during pregnancy. It is a beautifully written, plain and easy to understand. I read it standing at my dining room table, mail tossed aside, with tears streaming down my cheeks. Blanford gives suggestions on what to say throughout the book as children may ask additional questions about the loss of their sibling. She also addresses the unasked questions kids may have about death.
This book is a must-have for parents who have additional children suffering with them at the loss of their sibling. It is available on Amazon by clicking the link below.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
RYB Email Newsletter
I am now working on an email newsletter. It will be a monthly newsletter for those interested in hearing more about what is going on with Remembering Your Baby. Please join our Newsletter list so you don't miss a thing! I would also love some suggestions on names for the newsletter. If anyone has a idea for the name of the newsletter, please send them to me!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Our world has changed ...
I will not discuss my political views here but I do want to simply say that our world has changed. And we were all witness to it. What an amazing thing! I knew it would happen in my lifetime but did not expect it to happen this soon. Regardless of who you voted for, we now have a President-Elect that needs our prayers. So those of you who pray, please lift up this man who will soon be leading our country.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
RYB Pregnancy/Infant Loss Support Group
At the request of several bereaved moms, I have initiated a local pregnancy and infant loss support group. The first meeting is scheduled for Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 6:30pm at the Hernando Public Library in Hernando, Mississippi (just off the square where we had the Remembrance Service.) I will post directions closer to the meeting date.
Monday, October 27, 2008
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
~Author Unknown~
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
~Author Unknown~
Saturday, October 18, 2008
PILD Service
Our service was so beautiful! Many thanks to the families that came out on Wednesday night. I look forward to getting to know you guys better in the future as we support one another through our grief. I am looking at possible support group locations and times. Any suggestions are welcomed!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Surving the Death of Your Child
Cheryl Haggard is one of the co-founders of the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization. NILMDTS is the infant bereavement photography organization that provides professional portrait packages to families experiencing pregnancy loss. I have been involved with the organization for quite some time now but have only recently discovered her personal blog. She writes with such compassion and blatant honesty and I cannot help but post this as it describes how every bereaved mother feels about her pregnancy loss.
I am a survivor too...
The Haggard Family: I am a survivor, too...
I am a survivor too...
So, I was wearing my Maddux necklace the other day, and a lady asked me about it. I told her that was my son, Maddux. He died three 1/2 years ago. I went on to explain about the month of October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and this was a way for me to honor him during this time...She politely nodded her head, like she understood, and then she opened her mouth. "Oh my God! I would just die if something happened to one of my children." "How did you ever survive?" Like I ever had a choice? How many times did I say I wished death would have taken me too? That only my death could ever stop my pain? That I have three other children at home, that needed a mother. How do I tell this to a stranger? Her question, for a moment made me feel like a failure. Like if I had been a good mother, I too would be dead. If we really loved our children, would we not die for them? Lay down our own lives?
Well, I stood there for a moment? Thought about her question. Then I opened my mouth. Yes, you heard me, I opened my mouth. I said, very politely, "I did die. My world was dark for such a long time. The person I was before my son does not exist anymore. Today, I stand before you, a new person, a stronger person, and a better mother. A person that can show empathy and compassion to a complete stranger." She looked at me, and I think she started to stutter out an apology. I stopped her and said "Please, no apology. You didn't say anything wrong, you said what you felt. Next time you meet a mother that has lost a child, and I am sure you will, just remember that a part of her did die. And that she is a survivor. A survivor of something there is no cure for, except that, of having her child back in her arms." Know what happened next?
She gave me a small hug, and whispered "Thank you..."
There is so much publicity about breast cancer awareness during the month of October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss gets swept under the rug. You all know what I mean and what I am saying. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!" "MY BABY DIED, AND THERE IS NO CURE FOR THAT!!!" "WHAT ABOUT ME????" "WHERE IS MY AWARENESS, WHERE IS MY SUPPORT???" "HELLO, IS ANYBODY LISTENING?"
Well, I stood there for a moment? Thought about her question. Then I opened my mouth. Yes, you heard me, I opened my mouth. I said, very politely, "I did die. My world was dark for such a long time. The person I was before my son does not exist anymore. Today, I stand before you, a new person, a stronger person, and a better mother. A person that can show empathy and compassion to a complete stranger." She looked at me, and I think she started to stutter out an apology. I stopped her and said "Please, no apology. You didn't say anything wrong, you said what you felt. Next time you meet a mother that has lost a child, and I am sure you will, just remember that a part of her did die. And that she is a survivor. A survivor of something there is no cure for, except that, of having her child back in her arms." Know what happened next?
She gave me a small hug, and whispered "Thank you..."
There is so much publicity about breast cancer awareness during the month of October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss gets swept under the rug. You all know what I mean and what I am saying. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!" "MY BABY DIED, AND THERE IS NO CURE FOR THAT!!!" "WHAT ABOUT ME????" "WHERE IS MY AWARENESS, WHERE IS MY SUPPORT???" "HELLO, IS ANYBODY LISTENING?"
The Haggard Family: I am a survivor, too...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Originally posted by Antigone Lost.
Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.
On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.
Action Steps:
Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.
GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word
Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.
GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.
Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."
GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.
Originally posted by Antigone Lost.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day Service Planned
Our Second Annual Candlelight Service is planned!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Courthouse Lawn
Hernando, Mississippi
7:00 p.m.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Courthouse Lawn
Hernando, Mississippi
7:00 p.m.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Poll: Should we add a custom scented item to our Remembrance Boxes?
I have started a poll to get some feedback on something. I have talked to a few people about this and get varying opinions so I thought I would take more of a survey on it. I was thinking of something like a small sachet, custom designed with a soothing scent that would be placed inside the Remembrance Box as a keepsake. I am certainly open to other ideas if anyone would like to share one! Please take part in our poll! Thank you!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Seven Years
It has been seven years since we met Samuel and let him go. Seven years since my heart was ripped out of my chest, pounded on with a meat cleaver and shoved back in its cavity. Seven years since my life was changed forever.
Seven years.
In seven years, many good things have happened as well.
Adin was born into our family. We moved to Hernando, Mississippi. Many new faces have joined our lives as close friends. Noah has gotten healthier as we found a doctor who understood more of what he needed. Jason started a business. I developed a passion for helping families grieving the loss of a child.
Remembering Your Baby was born seven years ago at the death of my child. I didn't know it at the time and God knew in His timing, his will for my life would be revealed through this organization. God's plan was so much bigger than I ever would have imagined. I would have never met some of the people I know now had Samuel not been born to heaven seven years ago today.
When I was first told that Samuel would not survive, I sought the refuge of the internet. I found a group of ladies on a message board who welcomed me in though I had not delivered my child who was going to die. That group loved on me and took care of my emotional needs as I prepared for the birth and death of my child. Over the years, that group of ladies has stayed in my heart and on my mind though I do not converse with them daily as I used to. They have meant more to me than they will ever know. I dedicate this blog to them.
Seven years.
In seven years, many good things have happened as well.
Adin was born into our family. We moved to Hernando, Mississippi. Many new faces have joined our lives as close friends. Noah has gotten healthier as we found a doctor who understood more of what he needed. Jason started a business. I developed a passion for helping families grieving the loss of a child.
Remembering Your Baby was born seven years ago at the death of my child. I didn't know it at the time and God knew in His timing, his will for my life would be revealed through this organization. God's plan was so much bigger than I ever would have imagined. I would have never met some of the people I know now had Samuel not been born to heaven seven years ago today.
When I was first told that Samuel would not survive, I sought the refuge of the internet. I found a group of ladies on a message board who welcomed me in though I had not delivered my child who was going to die. That group loved on me and took care of my emotional needs as I prepared for the birth and death of my child. Over the years, that group of ladies has stayed in my heart and on my mind though I do not converse with them daily as I used to. They have meant more to me than they will ever know. I dedicate this blog to them.
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