Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day Service

photo by natalicek

The public is invited to remember all babies
lost at or before birth on

Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remembrance Day
Candlelighting Service

Thursday, October 15, 2009
Historic Courthouse Square
Monroe, GA

Remembering Your Baby
www.rememberingyourbaby.org
770.207.1443

3rd Annual PILD/Oct 15th Service Planned!

As you may or may not know, our family moved from Mississippi back home to Georgia earlier this year. Because of that, the service I am planning is in Monroe GA. I would love to have the service in Hernando continue but need some volunteers to make that happen! If you are in the Hernando/Memphis, TN area and can help with the service there, please contact me ASAP!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day/Oct 15th
Thursday, October 15, 2009
7:00 PM
Historic Courthouse Square
Monroe, GA

Free eBook this week only!

Jonathan, You Left Too Soon

I recently received this as a freebie in my email today. I have downloaded it for myself and skimmed through it. I normally do not post or send you all to a link that I have not fully researched, but being that there is a time constraint on this download, I wanted to go ahead and share it. Please keep in mind I have not read it in its entirety! That being said, this is the account of a true story written by the parents of Jonathan, a three-year-old who fell ill very quickly and eventually died.

http://healthylifepress.com/Free_Reduced_Price_Items.php

The Agony of Mother’s Day

There are a few days out of the year that I would rather stay in bed all day. Today is one such day. Every year I let it sneak up on me. It is not a day I like to be around other people. I prefer to spend it with my immediate family only. I don’t really even want to spend it with my own mom and mother-in-law though I know that seems very unfair to them. I have other living children so I cannot ignore it completely. But something inside of me does not want to participate in the rituals our society has placed on Mother’s Day. I do not want to go to church and be around all the other moms who have all their children with them. I despise sitting through a baby dedication on Mother’s Day. I hate the dreaded question, ‘How many kids do you have?’

Last night I actually received some validation in how I felt. A person who just barely met me actually mentioned how hard this day must be for me and other women like me. Never have I even had a friend or family member vocalize to me how hard Mother’s Day must be for moms without their babies. It gave me comfort knowing someone else out there thought about the impact of this day on us.

My thought on Mother’s Day is just like any other holiday we have to face throughout the year without our babies. Do what you want to do. If you have no desire to be around other moms, don’t. If you can’t handle sitting through baby dedication at your church, don’t go. If you want to spend the day with your family, other children if you have them, or another bereaved mom, just do it and don’t worry about what other people think. Do what is right for you.

It took me several years (like four or five!) to be comfortable going to church on Mother’s Day. I can now sit through a baby dedication and I am generally fine with it. This year, however, we do not have a church home since we have recently moved. I do not want to spend the day around strangers so I am choosing to not go to church today. We are spending the day, just the four of us, at a park, cooking out and being together. It is a far cry from what most people will be doing today. But it is what I want to do and it is what is right for my family. Go do what is right for you.

Making Progress!!

The IRS updated a few days ago to say that they are finally up to processing application filed through August '08! (We filed in October.) Hopefully, we will have a determination in the next few months. Once we get a determination letter and are approved as a non-profit, I will begin the process to incorporate as a non-profit in Georgia. More to come! I plan to begin blogging more regularly now that we are more settled in Georgia.

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The IRS is still behind

The last update on the IRS website was in January. At the time of the update they were assigning applications filed by June 2008. We sent in our paperwork in October. Pending the next update, whenever that may be, I fear we are in for a long year. I actually called them last week and the representative that answered the phone told me they are told to check the website. I found that humorous. So, I will continue checking and will let you all know something as soon as I know it!

Email List Created

I have been trying to work on a message board system for a few months now and cannot get the one I want up and running. So this morning, I created a Yahoo Groups email list. Feel free to join and begin chatting on there. I will be moderating who joins and new member posts for a short while until I know those joining aren't going to spam us. Please fill out the intro questionnaire when it comes and you will be approved as soon as possible.

Join RYB Email List

Hurry Up and Wait

We applied for our non-profit status (501c3) last fall (October 08.) We have essentially been waiting for the approval since then. Our hands have been tied because although the IRS says we can operate as a non-profit while our application is in review, we have been unable to push forward with things due to lack of funds. The organization’s budget came out of my personal budget whenever we needed anything. The economy being what it is, we have had to cut out funding the organization from our pockets.

The IRS website indicates that there is a backlog with the 501c3 applications dating back from July 08 due to some processing errors. They are working to correct these as quickly as possible. Unfortunately it means there are still several months of applications that have to be processed before ours is even on the table.

So we are in hurry-up-and-wait mode. I wanted to let you all know where we are and where we stand and to let you know that we are still here. I am working to get the message board up again. I will continue blogging. Please contact me personally by phone or email any time if you need support.

On a personal note, my family and I are in the middle of a move. We are moving back to GA to be closer to family. We are very excited but sad at the same time! We have lived in Hernando for five years and have made many wonderful friends and memories here. The organization will remain in Hernando for now and all of the contact information will remain the same. Please do not hesitate to contact me by email or phone if you have any questions or concerns.

RYB Pregnancy Loss Support Group

Hernando Public Library
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
6:30 PM

Grieving Through the Holidays

As I write this it is not even Thanksgiving, yet stores are playing Christmas music, people are hanging lights on their house and trees are being decorated. Very soon, the signs of the holidays will be everywhere we look. Whether we are ready to make merry or have no desire this year, our friends and families will be. Cards will be sent and received. Lists will be made and presents will be bought. For grieving parents the question lingers, how do we get through what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year when we do not feel like celebrating.
That first year after we lost Samuel, we didn’t feel like anything. We did not put up a tree. We sent no cards and did not have a big traditional dinner. It had only been a few months and we just weren’t ready. Yes, we got a lot of flack from family about it. But they were in another state and we didn’t have to see them (we went for Thanksgiving though, but that’s another story.) Thankfully I cannot remember if we received any comments about our lack of holiday spirit from our friends. Our oldest child was only two and since we didn’t do Santa, so it was easy for us not to do Christmas that year. I remember putting out an ornament for Sammie and lighting his candle. We did what we wanted to, spent time with each other and did not let anyone tell us what we “had” to do.

1. Decide what you will do. If you don’t feel like socializing at your company party or pretending to be merry at a community gathering, then just don’t go. Decide what is important enough that you really do want to do it and choose to do just those things (if any!)

2. Inform family and friends as soon as possible if you aren’t doing things you normally do every year (like hosting a New Year’s Eve Party or attending a Cookie Exchange.)

3. Keep it simple. We hear this every year and in several different ways, but really, this year, keep it simple. It won’t matter if every thing is just so if you don’t feel like doing it anyway. The first Christmas, birthday, and anniversaries without your baby are the hardest. Prepare for that and keep them simple.

4. Do something to remember your baby. We like to buy or make an ornament every year for Samuel. We sign our holiday cards with a small butterfly to represent him. We also light a candle during our family gathering to signify him. You can donate to a shelter, Ronald McDonald House, needy family, school or hospital. Adopt a child from Compassion International or other organization.

5. Find a friend or friends that can accept your hurt and love you through the pain. Maybe get together with some other bereaved moms and have lunch or attend a memorial service, Angel of Hope in your community or do a project for other bereaved moms (such as knitting blankets, making gowns or putting together care packages.)

'Something Happened' by Cathy Blanford

I have looked for many years for a book to share with children about the death of their sibling during pregnancy. Few such books exist. When they do exist, they dance around the subject, calling the baby an angel and such. I cannot recommend those books because, though easier for a child to understand, I do not believe what they are saying.

I have finally found a book I can recommend.

'Something Happened' by Cathy Blanford addresses the death of a baby during pregnancy. It is a beautifully written, plain and easy to understand. I read it standing at my dining room table, mail tossed aside, with tears streaming down my cheeks. Blanford gives suggestions on what to say throughout the book as children may ask additional questions about the loss of their sibling. She also addresses the unasked questions kids may have about death.

This book is a must-have for parents who have additional children suffering with them at the loss of their sibling. It is available on Amazon by clicking the link below.

RYB Email Newsletter

I am now working on an email newsletter. It will be a monthly newsletter for those interested in hearing more about what is going on with Remembering Your Baby. Please join our Newsletter list so you don't miss a thing! I would also love some suggestions on names for the newsletter. If anyone has a idea for the name of the newsletter, please send them to me!

Our world has changed ...

I will not discuss my political views here but I do want to simply say that our world has changed. And we were all witness to it. What an amazing thing! I knew it would happen in my lifetime but did not expect it to happen this soon. Regardless of who you voted for, we now have a President-Elect that needs our prayers. So those of you who pray, please lift up this man who will soon be leading our country.

Just a reminder ....

to get out and VOTE today.

RYB Pregnancy/Infant Loss Support Group

At the request of several bereaved moms, I have initiated a local pregnancy and infant loss support group. The first meeting is scheduled for Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 6:30pm at the Hernando Public Library in Hernando, Mississippi (just off the square where we had the Remembrance Service.) I will post directions closer to the meeting date.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

~Author Unknown~

PILD Service

Our service was so beautiful! Many thanks to the families that came out on Wednesday night. I look forward to getting to know you guys better in the future as we support one another through our grief. I am looking at possible support group locations and times. Any suggestions are welcomed!

Surving the Death of Your Child

Cheryl Haggard is one of the co-founders of the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization. NILMDTS is the infant bereavement photography organization that provides professional portrait packages to families experiencing pregnancy loss. I have been involved with the organization for quite some time now but have only recently discovered her personal blog. She writes with such compassion and blatant honesty and I cannot help but post this as it describes how every bereaved mother feels about her pregnancy loss.

I am a survivor too...

from Cheryl Haggard's Blog (The Haggard Family) by Cheryl Haggard

So, I was wearing my Maddux necklace the other day, and a lady asked me about it. I told her that was my son, Maddux. He died three 1/2 years ago. I went on to explain about the month of October being Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and this was a way for me to honor him during this time...She politely nodded her head, like she understood, and then she opened her mouth. "Oh my God! I would just die if something happened to one of my children." "How did you ever survive?" Like I ever had a choice? How many times did I say I wished death would have taken me too? That only my death could ever stop my pain? That I have three other children at home, that needed a mother. How do I tell this to a stranger? Her question, for a moment made me feel like a failure. Like if I had been a good mother, I too would be dead. If we really loved our children, would we not die for them? Lay down our own lives?


Well, I stood there for a moment? Thought about her question. Then I opened my mouth. Yes, you heard me, I opened my mouth. I said, very politely, "I did die. My world was dark for such a long time. The person I was before my son does not exist anymore. Today, I stand before you, a new person, a stronger person, and a better mother. A person that can show empathy and compassion to a complete stranger." She looked at me, and I think she started to stutter out an apology. I stopped her and said "Please, no apology. You didn't say anything wrong, you said what you felt. Next time you meet a mother that has lost a child, and I am sure you will, just remember that a part of her did die. And that she is a survivor. A survivor of something there is no cure for, except that, of having her child back in her arms." Know what happened next?

She gave me a small hug, and whispered "Thank you..."


There is so much publicity about breast cancer awareness during the month of October, Pregnancy and Infant Loss gets swept under the rug. You all know what I mean and what I am saying. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!" "MY BABY DIED, AND THERE IS NO CURE FOR THAT!!!" "WHAT ABOUT ME????" "WHERE IS MY AWARENESS, WHERE IS MY SUPPORT???" "HELLO, IS ANYBODY LISTENING?"

The Haggard Family: I am a survivor, too...

Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act

October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day in the United States. More than 25,000 children are stillborn in the United States every year leaving mothers, entire families and communities devastated. Estimates of the rate of occurrence of stillbirth make it at least as common as autism.

Stillbirth is not an intractable problem. Greater research would likely significantly reduce its incidence, but good research requires good data. H.R. 5979: Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act is under consideration by Congress. This proposed bill would standardize stillbirth investigation and diagnosis, thus providing more data for the needed research. Better research means fewer children born still.

On October 15th, remember the thousands of unfinished children lost and the families who remain to grieve them. Honor them by taking action. Let's help pass H.R. 5979.

Action Steps:

Step 1. Use Your Blog to Enlist Others
-Copy the contents of this entire post and publish it on your blog immediately.

GOAL: Enlist 10 of your readers to spread the word

Step 2. Use Your E-mail to Enlist Others
-E-mail 5 bloggers and ask them (nicely and in an unspammy way) to publish these action steps on their blog. Consider contacting celebrity bloggers, political bloggers, medical bloggers, or bloggers who are not part of your reading community.

GOAL: Enlist 3 bloggers outside of your normal blog sphere to spread the word in other online communities.

Step 3. Help Pass the Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act
-By October 15th, publish a post on your blog supporting H.R. 5979 Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act. For maximum impact, title your post: "Stillbirth Awareness and Research Act."

GOAL: 1,000,000 Google results on October 15th when that term is searched for. Currently, Google only returns 20,400 pages - most of which have nothing to do with the bill.

Originally posted by Antigone Lost.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day Service Planned

Our Second Annual Candlelight Service is planned!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Courthouse Lawn
Hernando, Mississippi
7:00 p.m.