The Agony of Mother’s Day

There are a few days out of the year that I would rather stay in bed all day. Today is one such day. Every year I let it sneak up on me. It is not a day I like to be around other people. I prefer to spend it with my immediate family only. I don’t really even want to spend it with my own mom and mother-in-law though I know that seems very unfair to them. I have other living children so I cannot ignore it completely. But something inside of me does not want to participate in the rituals our society has placed on Mother’s Day. I do not want to go to church and be around all the other moms who have all their children with them. I despise sitting through a baby dedication on Mother’s Day. I hate the dreaded question, ‘How many kids do you have?’

Last night I actually received some validation in how I felt. A person who just barely met me actually mentioned how hard this day must be for me and other women like me. Never have I even had a friend or family member vocalize to me how hard Mother’s Day must be for moms without their babies. It gave me comfort knowing someone else out there thought about the impact of this day on us.

My thought on Mother’s Day is just like any other holiday we have to face throughout the year without our babies. Do what you want to do. If you have no desire to be around other moms, don’t. If you can’t handle sitting through baby dedication at your church, don’t go. If you want to spend the day with your family, other children if you have them, or another bereaved mom, just do it and don’t worry about what other people think. Do what is right for you.

It took me several years (like four or five!) to be comfortable going to church on Mother’s Day. I can now sit through a baby dedication and I am generally fine with it. This year, however, we do not have a church home since we have recently moved. I do not want to spend the day around strangers so I am choosing to not go to church today. We are spending the day, just the four of us, at a park, cooking out and being together. It is a far cry from what most people will be doing today. But it is what I want to do and it is what is right for my family. Go do what is right for you.